The thing is, writers often reference not real life, but the shows they grew up watching as kids. So they wind up writing scenes that made sense in the 1970s, but are hopelessly out of date today. That's why in movies and TV ...
#7. Psychiatrists Make You Talk About What Your Dreams Mean
Photos.comWhat Movies and TV Say:
People in movies and TV visit psychiatrists for a variety of reasons: Maybe he or she is a cop who was traumatized after a shooting, or someone dealing with repressed childhood memories, or (in a surprising number of cases) a notorious crime boss with mommy issues ...
Yes, two times absolutely counts as "a surprising number of cases" for this.
Sometimes the psychiatrist even becomes a permanent member of the cast, offering insights into the psychosexual stages of childhood or quipping about Freudian slips (like in Bones).
That expression is not a coincidence.
How many times have you heard a movie psychiatrist say "Our hour is up" when there's still so much to talk about? If you've actually been to one, however, you know that most psychiatrist appointments in America today last only 15 minutes ... and don't involve a lot of talking.
Photos.com"The first three sessions involve no talking, just rape-eyes."
So if you want to tell someone about your weird sex dreams for an hour without being arrested, you might be better off seeking out a homeless person instead.
#6. Catholic Nuns Still Dress Like ... Nuns
As Seen In: CSI, The Da Vinci Code, Angels & Demons, House, Constantine, End of Days, Buffy the Vampire Slayer, The Boondock Saints, Supernatural, The Exorcism of Emily Rose
What Movies and TV Say:
Even if you've never stepped inside a church, you probably know all about the Catholic religion just from watching TV and going to the movies -- whether the plot revolves around faith, ancient conspiracy theories or just plain old exploding demons, the Catholics will always be there doing their instantly identifiable Catholic stuff. For example, if you see these ladies in CSI ...
Semen is present on at least one of these habits.
Both Matt Damon and the nun were played by Kevin Smith.
Yeah, this looks like the house of a God who speaks mainly through Berettas.
The Reality Today:
If you have stepped inside a Catholic church, however, you've probably noticed that a lot of the newer ones have a tendency to look like empty DMV offices:
Even the traditional church candles have been replaced in many places with electric lights, due to fire's propensity to burn shit to the ground. But at least those habit-wearing nuns and Latin-speaking priests are still going strong, right? Sure they are, probably. Just not in the U.S.
You see, in the 1960s, the Second Vatican Council loosened the guidelines on things like habit-wearing and Latin-speaking. Other countries applied the new rules in moderation, but it turns out that Americans were about as into Latin in their religions as they were subtitles in their movies. So Latin rites were largely replaced with English versions ... back in 1964. Today, most priests coming out of seminary do not even speak Latin, let alone perform rites in it.
Photos.com"Oh jeez. Look, everyone just be excellent to each other. Church dismissed."
#5. You Can Adopt Kids from an Orphanage
Photos.comWhat Movies and TV Say:
Traditionally, orphans have filled a wide range of TV and movies roles, from deranged killers to adorable angels who are hiding the fact that they are deranged killers. And if Hollywood is to be believed, the adoption process doesn't vary significantly between a kid and a dog: You just drive out to the place where they conveniently store them and pick one out.
Photos.comUsually the one who doesn't bite you.
One is a disturbingly violent and psychologically horrific film, the other is Orphan.
The Reality Today:
It turns out that what we think of as an "orphanage" doesn't even exist in the U.S. anymore, and hasn't for decades. Following the 1980 Adoption Assistance and Child Welfare Act, most orphaned or abandoned children were placed with relatives or in foster homes. This was the killing blow to the American orphanage system, which had been in decline since we stopped encouraging unmarried mothers to give up their whore-babies in the '60s.
Photos.com"Yup, it's the last you'll see of him, but don't worry -- he'll get all the cigars and brandy he'll ever need."
Photos.com"I'm less about whimsical adventures and more about heroin."
"Nope, you're gonna have to go pee on that door alone, champ."
#4. Everything in England Is Old-Fashioned and Cobblestoned
Photos.comWhat Movies and TV Say:
According to Hollywood, England is a magical kingdom that was frozen in time at some point in the early 20th century (sadly, after all their dragons became extinct), but that's why we like it: We want to see quaint, old-fashioned things that you'd never find in America, like royal weddings, boarding schools and free public transportation. V for Vendetta takes place in an England entirely covered in charming cobblestones, and that one's supposed to be set in the future:
This must mean we already have flying cars in America at this point.
The wizard world has already reduced the U.K. to an economic and cultural wasteland.
"Oh boy! They have mixed fibers in their clothes, too!"
The British are partly to blame for all these misconceptions -- their entire film industry is now largely based on the fact that Americans think it's a pre-modern country. Film-location businesses in the U.K. overwhelmingly advertise old locations like manors and castles, because they figure that if the Americans wanted asphalt roads and glass buildings, they'd just stay home.
And yet 2012 England often isn't "old" enough to satisfy American tastes for films set there. Movies like Oliver Twist, A Knight's Tale, From Hell and Shanghai Knights, and the TV series Robin Hood, among others, were all filmed in other parts of Europe that apparently look more English to us than England itself.
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